Which Hat Am I Wearing Right Now?

I typically roll out of bed rather reluctantly. I am reluctant not because I don’t enjoy all of the blessings that God has given me. I am reluctant because I am not sure how many different “Hat’s” will be required of me on that particular day. Before I even move in the morning, things are in motion that will begin to dictate who I will start the day as. I often times start off angry at myself for not waking up in time to say goodbye to one of my older kids as they rush off to a early morning practice before school. I may start off confused by the amount of urgency already going on around me as up to 5 kids may be gathering different “hats” for their day. Thank God my wife is great in the morning (pretty great all day) and can survive on 4 to 6 hours sleep.

To those of you who have known me since I was a wee one, I am “Tony the Skater”. This is the easiest hat for me to wear because I have worn it the longest. I grew up in a house connected to a skating rink. My parents certainly loved and taught me (they put the house next to work so they could be around me more) but I was also largely raised by the other families and kids at the roller rink. A number of people know me as the little kid who during public skating always amazed with my crazy skating. Some know me as the figure skater that my mom wanted me to be and started me out as. A vast number of you know me (or me as my brother) for the international awards I won as a speed skater representing our city, state and even country on my way to numerous wonderful blessings. Many families inDes Moinesknow me as the guy who ran the roller skating rink that they spent their weekends at. Today I put myself back as the skater as numerous people have watched me playing on my men’s roller derby team YMMD.

To the people that help me feed my family I am “Tony the Broker/ Realtor. This is the hardest yet most important economical hat for me to convince people that I wear (it is hard to break people of Tony the Skater). I go in to the office every morning and although I do not clock in or out, I stay at it all day as if I did. I began by working for a builder doing marketing, hiring and training sales staff but when the market took a bad turn, I was forced to fend for myself. Today, my family survives by what ever I can do on a day to day basis selling homes. I am very fortunate that God made me competitive because in today’s market…it is not easy in real estate. Fortunately for me, I have built a number of relationships in Des Moines and the vast part of what I have to do daily, is to let people know that I sell homes for a profession…not race around the world on wheels anymore(I am a bit aged for that now). This may be a bit obvious but if you know someone who is buying or selling a home now or in the near future…….I am just suggesting.

The most important and least prepared for hat I must wear is the “Tony the Husband/ Father”. I am just going to say it. Most successful athletes are pretty selfish. We almost have to be in order to dedicate as much time and resources needed to achieve that level of success. I was no different. Being blessed as an athletic kid whose parents had a bit of resources that could help me go places, I was able to spend a lot of time on me. With my career as an athlete, I was not looking for anything else but God knew I needed it and so in the middle of my success he introduced me to the best prize I ever got; my future wife Cassandra. It was not long before we were married (sharing our stuff) and starting a family. Five fantastic gifts later (Gabrielle, Rachel,Antony, Ellasandra andSofia) I am still trying to figure out how to be a responsible person  and take care of myself, let alone take care of the six most important things to me in this world. As a parent we all want more for our kids then anything we ever had but my kids have already surpassed anything I could have ever expected of them. I try and love on them (they have learned to hate kisses), I try and spend quality time with them (I love that they still enjoy me) and I try and support and enable them to achieve what ever they want to accomplish (I have coach’s licenses in just about every sport imaginable). My relationship with my kids should come after my relationship with my wife. If you know my wife, you know that I should treat her like a queen as she married down when she said yes to me. She is an amazing supporter of my endeavors and a great mom to our children. At the end of the day I know our time gets cheated the most as I somehow convince myself that time spent at work or on the kids is really time spent on her…..and so really, I miss out on her. I would like to wear this hat more often and I tell myself that if I work hard enough that it will allow me to do so in the future. I hope that this is not just a lie of our culture.

I know my primary calling is to always wear “Tony the Child of God” hat, but I don’t put this one on enough. One of my favorite quotes is by St. Francis ofAssisi; it says something like “preach the Bible continually, use words when necessary”. It would be incredible if people said that reminded them of how I live but I am not convinced that would be the case. I would hope that my relationship with God and my understanding of his desire for my life would be a solid reminder to put this hat on first, however I substitute this hat for my “Child of the World” hat all too often. I find the Worldly hat is easier to wear.  People don’t stare at me as much, judge me as much and watch what I am doing or see how I might react as much when I wear my Worldly hat. I feel like if I woke up with this “Child of God” hat on and put all others on top of it (in addition) the rest would be so much easier. I go to church (but am I there?), I am involved in a small group (but am I fully engaged?) and I own a bible (isn’t that enough?). That is not close to the amount of time or resources I am spending on the “Worldly” hat weekly. What does that say about me that I, someone who had numerous people look up to me for my athletics, someone who is trusted with 5 children of my own, someone who coaches hundreds of kids at various sports, can’t be disciplined enough to put on the right hat or in the correct order? In retrospect, it is amazing the expectations I have put on others when I can see my own lack of discipline in this area. I give you permission to challenge me on this when you see this hat missing from my head.

I have lots of other hats that come with me every day. I am still “Tony the Son” to my fantastic parents, “Tony the Brother” to my great siblings. “Tony the Friend” to a great number of people who help me get through each day with my head up. “Tony the Coach” to hundreds of speed skaters, hockey players, derby guys and girls, football players, soccer players, basketball players and local gym spinners. I thought my life was going to change as “Tony the Entrepreneur” with my start up company www.VineMe.com but it is never that easy. As my body grows stiffer I am sometimes “Tony the Bike Racer” as I have found decent success on two wheels. There is the vain me as “Tony the Actor” with bit parts in commercials and shows.

 As the days go by, I acquire more hats and less knowledge or instruction in how to wear them. I am sure that my story is not unique. It is what happens to us when we grow up and try and take on responsibility. We think we can handle things. We are too proud to admit we may not have the time or resources. We may be nice too say no or too afraid that if we miss this opportunity we may never get another chance like it. Maybe individually we could handle each issue with ease, maybe even a couple. Then we pile on and leave no room in the margins for mistakes or problems. No room for the relationships that may need extra attention or the events that needs more care. This is why for me; I am going to organize my hats better. Decide which hats are the most important for me. Decide which hats fit me the best and which weigh me down the most. Hats will be thrown out and hats will be re-employed. I know it is a little late for resolutions but this is mine anyway. I am and will always be the same Tony. Hopefully, I will be a little more in tuned and focused on you the next time we meet as I should have a clearer knowledge of who I am and what I am about.

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